Broken

“All my favorite people are broken,”  a “last call” lament I now vaguely remember singing many late nights to the small crowd of left-behinds;  emotions properly numbed, defeated and lost, supported only by the bar’s piano. 

How I dreaded those words, “Last Call!” because I was now forced to leave the false camaraderie that drew all of us, the left-behinds, to that broken-down little establishment on open mic night.  Grudgingly, fearfully, I trudged home, and once there, I immediately turned on the radio, stereo, television—anything to block out the sounds of my breathing, my talking, my coming, my going…my lonely island sounds.

There are no words to express the wholehearted, overwhelming gratitude I have for Jesus.  Jesus loves the broken.  He was broken—because of me, and for me. The image of His shattered body brings me to my knees and great heaviness to my heart.  But it’s nearly unbearable to believe His agony of being left behind by the Father.  “Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land unto the ninth hour.  And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, ‘Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?’  That is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” Matthew 27:45-46.

Jesus was left behind.  For me.  The Father’s abandonment is something I’ll never have to experience because Jesus was broken and left behind.  For me.

 “Oh, I’m running to Your arms, I’m running to Your arms, the riches of Your love will always be enough, nothing compares to your embrace, Light of the World, Forever Reign.  Jesus.  Jesus.”*

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”  Psalm 34:18.

*Forever Reign, Hillsong United.

The Thornies

 

Who is your “Thorny?” 

Thank you Beth Moore, for this most appropriate term of endearment for someone you’re challenged to love and who absolutely drives you CRAZY!    

Your “Thorny” came with your life package, assigned by God.  You simply cannot get away from your Thorny!  

Whenever I am around my Thorny, I fight the urge to consume, in one sitting, an entire pint of Hagendaz™, flavor- Mayan Chocolate.  Or madly shop an entire afternoon, as though I’d just won the lottery.

I have a tried and tested accountability system in place when my Thorny seems particularly…thorny:

·         The smile on my face covers the gritting of my teeth. 

·         Speaking in a calm, sweet voice filters my extra sharp tongue.

·         Prayer (closed eyes) hide my pupils that are narrowing to pinpoints.

·         In my car? I have an enormous cross embossed with the Serenity Prayer hanging from my rear-view mirror that can be seen by any thorny driver within a mile radius ensuring  that everyone knows I’m not the Thorny driver!

All banter aside, truthfully,

My Thorny is someone I know does not love me, and every time I’m around them, at least once a week, I’m injured.

But, that’s the nature of my Thorny—Thornies hurt.

Now, you may be sitting there contentedly, thinking, “Not me.  Nope. I’m good—I don’t have any Thornies.” 

Well…don't get to cozy with yourself--you may not have Thornies, but you are most assuredly someone else’s Thorny! 

I am probably a lot of people’s Thorny!

I have a lot to say about difficult relationships, or loving all the Thornies -- but Jesus knew Thornies too…and commands us regarding our Thornies, teaching as only He can, in Matthew 22:37-38:

 “Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  Love your (Thorny) neighbor as yourself.” 

And  John—the master of simple words and language—very clearly tells us in 1 John 4:20,

“Whoever claims to love God, yet hates a brother or sister, is a liar.”

Ouch.

Okay moment of truth? Those 5 minutes I’m mad and frustrated with my Thorny?  I’m hating my brother or sister.

Those few seconds of anger are recorded moments in time—it’s historical, in other words.  My Father in Heaven sees those moments!  He sees that I’m a liar!

Wouldn’t it would be so easy if we could just say, “Get thee away from me, my Thorny!”

Or, what if I could take my Thorny back to the store because Thorny doesn’t fit, and receive the cash equivalent refund; although, some days I don’t think I’d receive the appropriate return on my investment…just saying!

But I can’t.  God has given me my Thorny as a precious gift!  My Abba Father in Heaven is watching me!  He is aware of my every move.  Why do I think it's a secret when I curse my Thorny?

We are all God’s children, and as such, part of the same family: God’s family.  Difficult relationships and situations are essential ingredients God uses to build character in His children.  And each of us bring unique, important, valued gifts into His family.

He commands us to “bear one another in love.”  “For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.”  Romans 12:4-5. 

So, this is how I love my Thorny, in the midst of all the conflicting and emotions that my Thorny stirs up within me:  I remember this verse and these two things:

1.         Hurt people, hurt people. Bear one another in love.

2.       We are all just walking each other home. “One body, and each member belongs to all the others...” 

“We are all just walking each other home.”

God didn’t promise us perfect soul mates and family members.

And let’s face it, we’ve made far too many life choices without first consulting the Heavenly Father and seeking His divine direction, so some of our Thornies are our own gifts to ourselves…but they ARE gifts, nonetheless.

Some of our Thornies are very devout followers of Christ.  That doesn’t make them any less Thorny to us.  The first church in Acts, oh my goodness, am I the only one who longs for that unity?  Acts 2:44  “All the believers were together and had everything in common.” 

Oh for that unity! I would be thrilled if my devout-follower-of-Christ Thorny loved me enough to help walk me home! I would love for my Thorny and I to be able to cohabitate this incredible walk with Jesus together!!

Well, it could happen…!

We are all just walking each other home... I must always, ALWAYS tread carefully and tenderly. When my Thorny makes me want to eat forbidden ice cream, I thank God my Thorny doesn’t drive me to drink!

When my Thorny affects my job, my finances, my health (not counting few extra pounds from the ice cream)—I must not leave them alone in their walk, I must minister to them.  Serve them.  I must find a way to love on that Thorny!

Your Thorny may be overwhelmed by their own thornies:  illness, divorce, addiction, making their behavior hard to understand—harder still to pray for—pray anyway.  Pray for ways to serve your Thorny!  We are all just walking each other home.

When your Thorny situation seems helpless, it’s not!  God is giving you all kinds of gifts in the form of trial—pray for understanding and clear-headedness, and discernment in ways to serve your Thorny. 

We are all just walking each other home!  That means we are not alone in our Thorny struggle!  And here’s a thought:  At the same time you’re praying for your Thorny, simultaneously, you may rest assured, someone else is praying for you…Thorny girl.

You know, there is no way to gauge another’s Thorny situation.  We don’t get to say one person is struggling more than another.  I don’t get to tell myself, “Hey, my Thorny has it a lot better than me, she’ll just have to get along without me right now.  Time for me to get some ministry!”  That is not how we walk each other home.

We walk each other home, by serving, and loving, and being burdened for our Thornies.  We can’t give up on them.  Jesus doesn’t give up on me—praise God!!!

His love is always there, no matter how Thorny I am—I know, Jesus is walking me home.

You know what?  One day?  My Thorny will recognize my relationship to Jesus.  They may not always grant me their approval—but my behavior in everyday situations will get my Thorny’s attention.  My love for Jesus will show! And my Thorny will experience that love because of how I, empowered by the Holy Spirit, have behaved amidst the thorns!

His Kingdom has lots and lots of beautiful flowers, perfectly formed roses…with THORNS.  While I’m walking my Thorny home, I’m helping to build His Kingdom.  Jesus is with me each step of the walk home.  He never leaves me.  There is no limit to His love for me, even when I am so Thorny and ugly.

His love never fails, never.  He is with me all the way home.

 “Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day; for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”  2 Corinthians 4:16-17

 

Don't Worry....Be Happy

Hmmhmmhmheehhummm…Don’t worry…be happy…ha-ha, you’re singing it too, now, right? 

 

I do this a lot in when I’m burdened, it’s in my DNA. This morning, upon awakening, I flashed back to the late 70s--I’d come home from college for the weekend, and as I walked into the kitchen, I caught my mother in a moment of wild abandon, moving and singing to that Leo Sayer one-hit wonder, “You Make Me Feel Like Dancing.” 

 

I love this memory, and it never fails to make me smile. See, my mother was happy in the midst of the turmoil and calamity that is the life of a missionary on furlough with 4 teenagers--one a particularly wild child that caused much angst. ‘Nuff said! Thank you Lord for Godly parents, whose trust has always been in You. 

 

I can honestly say, the only times I worried, panicked, or misbehaved were the times when I became over-confident in me-the great I am, because I always let me down. 

 

Listen, YOU will always let you down.  So will jobs, doctors, husbands, children...whatever your particular worry, concern, or expectation. When you replace your trust in the One who entrusted us with these temporary gifts of husbands, children, jobs, you will be disappointed Every.Single.Time. Why keep repeating the same insane cycle?

 

I know you’re thinking, “Huh. Okay, Ms. Zippity Doo Dah Everything Is Beautiful. I’ve got these kids, this illness, my Thornies, this job…I need a nerve pill!” 

 

You don’t need a nerve pill, friend; or a drink, or a website, or anything else to calm you down. All you need is to remember your complete trust point of reference: the all-seeing, all-knowing, always concerned Father of Light. 

 

Let go of those unattainable expectations in these earthly blessings, put all your energy into the One who never disappoints, never leaves, and always has your best interest at heart.

 

Don't worry...be happy!

 

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought. Jeremiah 17:7-8.

Does this ego make me look fat?

Have you ever had one of those moments where, for a split second, you laugh gleefully at someone’s comeuppance?  Have you ever secretly wished (prayed!)  that someone would get “what’s coming to them?”  You know what I’m talking about—I speak from experience. 

Listen, if you delusively walk about in a Queen of Sheba cloud you WILL trip up the steps, fall in the crowded parking lot, or walk out of the bathroom with toilet paper streaming from your shoe, or a skirt neatly tucked into panty-hose. But that’s in the (my) past…

What if someone hasn’t behaved appropriately, and seems to love the sound of their own voice? Your internal dialog: “Did she just brag about volunteering/cooking/helping?!  Taaacky!!”

Because of my past pride issues, and DNA from my mother, I have an ever-sharp, balloon-bursting needle with radar for inflated ego!  But I know it’s not my mission to keep another’s feet planted firmly on the ground (although, I seldom hold back with Daniel—I "help" him keep his ego in check with squinty-eyed looks, kicks under the table, and head slaps, honestly and transparently, hah). 

I must pray all the time to love the way Jesus loved me—and He surely has a million reasons to laugh at me!  But He doesn’t.  He gently loves me and corrects my pride and doesn’t wish for me to fall.  It’s not easy, because, goodness, some folks are just so pleased with themselves!  But it’s what Jesus commands.  It’s the way He loves me.  “Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Cor. 13:6-7.

Since my motto is “Nothing but love,” I pray Jesus guides me away from selective loving and those deceptively lofty heights of pride.