Why Doesn't Anyone Say Thank You Anymore?

Why doesn’t anyone say “Thank You” Anymore?

Saying thank you is more than good manners. It is good spirituality. Alfred Painter

Anyone in my realm of loved ones knows of my normally flexible, laid back, happy-go-lucky heart and mindset. Indeed, there are only two things in this world that might incite an unrestrained paroxysm of righteous indignation: (1) mistreatment of one of God’s creatures, and (2) unmerited rudeness.

Lately, it seems, I’ve been overwhelmed with the latter. The point in question: Why doesn’t anyone say “Thank You” anymore? There is nothing complicated about giving someone a smile and heartfelt thanks. I wonder, what is so difficult about making that social connection, establishing familiarity, reassuring both parties of their personal value and blessing?

A couple of occasions come to mind:

We have new neighbors. I baked a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies, and took a platter of the warm cookies to the new neighbors as welcome and introduce ourselves. When he finally opened the door, he took the cookies from my hand, and in the middle of introducing myself, he interrupted and said “Okay!” How awkward, as my social graces fought with the fight or flight syndrome. I didn’t know whether to continue my introduction, or flee to the comfortable, warm, gentle safety of my living room with the locked front door.

My coworker and I used to receive flowers, cards, treats, gifts from parishioners and I always made a point of calling the parishioner, speaking to them, then sending a little note. My coworker would send them a text, if anything at all. Really? A text? What if they are unable to receive texts? Or read them? This practice embarrassed me so much, I finally asked her, “Why don’t you just call them and talk to them, or write them a note? Sending a text seems so impersonal, so cold.” The response was eye-opening. Apparently my coworker received so many gifts and cards she didn’t have time to thank everyone, was uncomfortable speaking directly with parishioners, and besides, she was, yes you guessed it, entitled to gifts.

It’s tempting to say that the inability to say thank you only applies to certain age group, but in my experience, this trend is ubiquitous, extending to those well into their forties. I’m occasionally so ashamed at another’s lack of etiquette and friendliness, that I overcompensate and become even more chatty-happy, annoying and pushing the individual farther into their protective bubble of disdain, fear, and social ineptitude.

So, why is this? Why don’t people say thank you anymore? I realize saying thank you requires a certain amount of humility—are babies birthing without the humility gene? Have entitlement issues trumped common courtesy? Has society coarsened such that we’ve become indifferent and detached? By being so cyber-connected have we completely disconnected socially?

Whatever the rationalization, I’m not going to hear thank you from a lot of folks, most of the time. Knowing this feeds my righteous indignation and moral superiority. I humbly admit to this. But my need to edit and change bad behavior is egocentric; it must not consume me, establish a foothold for the enemy, and steal all my joy! I’ve been studying on this for quite some time, and am trying to live and focus on the following:

Colossians 4:5 says “Be wise in the way you act with people who are not believers, making the most of every opportunity. When you talk, you should always be kind and pleasant so you will b e able to answer everyone in the way you should.”

I realize that “being wise in the way I act with people” includes not being disappointed when folks do not act appropriately or kindly. It is just as wrong for me to be indignant at rudeness, as it is for someone to be rude.

It is not my place to judge my neighbor (family, friend, coworker); only God can do that. I must accept whom God accepts!

At the same time, I mustn’t lower my standards of etiquette by becoming part of the norm. Who knows? Perhaps my neighbors are watching my behavior more carefully than I imagine—I must be the example, not the norm.

“God has chosen you and made you his holy people. He loves you. So always do these things: show mercy to others, be kind, humble gentle, and patient. Get along with each other, and forgive each other. If someone does wrong to you, forgive that person because the Lord forgave you. Do all these things; but most important, love each other. Love is what holds you all together in perfect unity. Let the peace that Christ gives control your thinking, because you were all called together in one body to have peace. Always be thankful. “ Colossians 3:12-15

Thank you, thank you, thank you for letting me share!

Jesus+ (Jesus Plus)

We are studying Colossians in our Sunday School…er…Connection Group class, and last Sunday, our inspired and annointed leader was talking about traditions, practices, or rituals that could mislead us and take our focus from Christ, and (all it takes is one word to start me on that rabbit chase!) I began musing tradition. I hurt my brain searching for something in my personal life that was a tradition, ritual, or habit that hindered my walk with Jesus. I began thinking about traditions, in general, that are deceptive.


In the church Paul addressed at Colossae, slowly and deftly they began to believe in the doctrine of salvation by Jesus+. Jesus plus the right religious feast. Jesus plus the New Moon Festival, Jesus plus Sabbath Day--the right ritual was just as important as the right Savior. Paul would have nothing to do with this. If we are saved, it is because God rescued us, and not because we learned the walk. God does the saving and we do the receiving. All we do is accept, and "take up our cross daily."

For many of us, our "tradition" is an addiction, a past hurt that holds us captive, or sick behavior that convinces us that we have control. We don't realize how insidious these "traditions" are, yet if we were to experience just one day completely free of those traditional behaviors, we'd realize how much closer is our walk with the Savior. And so it goes with unusual rituals and new-age wisdom--if these put your mind in a mess, don't be troubled. Try not to be a victim of "before I knew it, I was caught up in it." Ask yourself, "Why?" and consult the scriptures. Keep your focus on Christ through prayer, reading of His word, and reliable Christian fellowship. If you are not sure that something is from the Spirit, tread softly. Back off. Use the Bible as a guide. If they are of the Lord, those unidentified inner promptings won't contradict anything biblically.

Here is a funny story about family tradition—you’ve probably read it a gazillion times, but worth revisiting.

The Easter Ham

The youngest, and most newly-married daughter was excited to be preparing her first Easter dinner for the combined families. She called her mother, as backup, to be sure she was baking the ham correctly. Her mother informed her to be "sure to cut three inches from the ham before you roast it."

Puzzled, the daughter asked her mother "Why?"

"Because that's the way my mother taught me to do it," says mom. "I'm not sure of the reason."

Still not convinced, the daughter calls her grandmother. "Nana," she asked, "Mama says I must cut three inches off of my ham before I bake it. Why is that?"

"Well, sweetie, I'm not sure, but that's how my mother taught me to do it, and I've always done it that way," replied Nana.

The daughter felt a mystery needed solving, and being young, still questioned authenticity (or authority, perhaps, haha), and called her great grandmother. "Nona," she asked, "Nana says you taught her to cut three inches off of the ham before putting it in the oven. Why is that necessary, I wonder?"

"Well dear," Nona replied, "When I was a new bride, just starting out, I baked my first ham for Easter dinner. The ham was 18 inches long. The largest roasting pan I had was 15 inches long, so I had to cut three inches off of the ham to make it fit in the pan."

And so it goes, from generation to generation, until someone asks "Why?"

What Do These Stones Mean?

by my daddy
Rev. Samuel W. Wheeler

Joshua piled up river stones after Israel finally came to the Promised Land. He foresaw a time when people would ask what they meant. Then all of God’s deeds could be remembered and recounted.

Recently, I was reminded of stones that have a message. The ordered rows of stones stretching over hills for miles at Arlington moved me in a way that I could not have imagined. The long black stone of the Vietnam Memorial spoke of unimaginable courage, sweltering heat, the loss of buddies and the horrible realization that so many countrymen hated you for serving your nation. The monuments to World War II and Korea each spoke to me in a special way because of uncles, cousins and neighbors that served during these conflicts.

The huge conglomerate of stones that is the National Cathedral not only is a monument to the creative genius of the builders but reminds you of the greatness of God and the awe we need to feel as we realize we are in His presence as did the psalmist in Psalm 148. “For His name alone is exalted. His glory is above earth and heaven.”

One stone was very special. At the Marine Corps Memorial Chapel at Quantico the survivors of Echo Company, 2/7 Marines unveiled a stone that listed the names of their comrades killed while serving in Vietnam. There are eighty-seven names on the stone. Twice in 1968 the company was reduced to fewer than fifty men with no officers. The survivors have formed a remarkable bond. There are a few who need help to cope, but most have become hardworking, effective members of society.

Daniel Storz, our son-in-law, spoke at the ceremony, and stated the key question that came from the experience with the company. “Why am I alive? The consideration of that question can cause a sense of guilt or it can lead you to look to God for the answer and find a place of service that He has for you. Dan has found that place of service.

It is a question that must be answered by any of us, not just battle survivors. Why am I here? What are those opportunities for which God gives me life so that I can do what he has given me to do?

This picture slideshow made with Smilebox

Just Do It!!!

In his book You Can’t Go Home Again, Thomas Wolfe tells the story of an author, George Webber, who writes a best-seller which makes offensive and distorted references to his home town—i.e., he revises history—to the point that George is unable to return to his hometown without death threats! “You can’t go back home to your childhood... back to old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time...back home to the escapes of Time and Memory,” writes George Webber, Thomas Wolfe.

This short book report has been brought to you by my own revisionist history “aha!” moment as the last eight days have been filled with eye-opening encounters.


The past week my husband and I had the honor of being part of the Eddins 2011 Honduras Mission Trip. As many of you know, I am a missionary kid, and spent a large part of my formulative years in Tegucigalpa, Honduras. My parents never isolated us from this beautiful country or people; so we attended Honduran churches, had Honduran friends, and practiced many of the Honduran customs.


When the Lord blessed me with the opportunity to accompany this mission group, I was emotionally taken back to a place in time in my childhood, and for some reason, as an adult, expected to return to my version of history.


In fact, on the very first day in Cequaca, I was absolutely stunned by the differences between reality and my memories—so much so that I became very emotional and nearly non-functional. Thank goodness my incredible bunk mate Sandy (Nelson-Bunch) gently reminded me that in 30 years lots of changes have occurred everywhere—even in the U.S.! Everyone has acclimated, so I should jump on board! Sandy is not aware of this, but she became my reality gauge during this trip—I could always trust her to see things as they were, not colored by my memories or hypersensitivity. I am very grateful to her.


Cequaca, Honduras is not a small or impoverished town, by any means. The population is between 5 and 6000, more like 6000 after seeing all the expectant mothers in line at the clinic! Most families own a TV and at least one mobile telephone, so the personality of the town is different than it would be in a much smaller, less “wired” town.

This was certainly reflected in the children, where I served during this mission trip. We held our children’s services 3 times per day under a tent at the bottom of a hill. At best, children’s attention is difficult to maintain, but under a tent? Next to impossible. Further, it became a mob scene during the rain storms under that tent! There was one incredible theatre moment under this tent, though...the second day, as Marina was telling the story of the birth of Jesus, at the exact moment in the story where the shepherds were visited by the angels, a very large herd of cattle lumbered through...big cows, baby cows, mooing, pushing, shoving, pooping...we felt like shepherds! It was great! And even though the children were very difficult to “quiet down” 51 made professions of faith by Wednesday night. No matter the circumstances we must diligently tell the story of Jesus to children! In Matthew 19:14 Jesus said “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” It’s so important to plant the seed of Christianity among these children, so that one day, they may bring others to Christ and rely on their knowledge of Jesus to be leaders in their community.

And speaking of kids…I am so very impressed with our own Andrew Eddins and Miranda Johnson who accompanied their fathers…to be so young to be incredibly adaptable and hard working. What a blessing to have them both along! I truly enjoyed seeing things through their impressionable eyes. Both are lovely, lovely, kids, even though they're both probably hatin' on me right now for calling them kids...

There were approximately 60 of us on this mission trip, to include translators and a group of New York Southern Baptist Koreans. Now, if that concept is hard for you to “wrap your arms around” as Larry Grace observed, imagine how difficult for the group from New York to “wrap their arms around” chronically smiling, friendly, happy people from Alabama who drank sweet tea! How presumptuous of us to make the tea sweet!  And grits!  "What is a grit?" one observed. Freddie and Velma, that sweet tea was my saving grace on several occassions!  Thank you so much for that sweet tea! We embraced the differences and not one personality squabble occurred! And believe me, under our living conditions, I truly expected squabbles to happen! Imagine 60 folks from diverse cultures using the same 3-4 latrines (quite honestly, a HOLE in the ground would have been preferable!), three metal open-air showers all located within 5 feet of our also, al fresco dining facility...all I’m going to say about that, um...took some acclimating!  But in the spirit of missions, with God's help, I came around! 

Our sleeping arrangements consisted of 6 or 7 small, crowded classrooms in a school, a foam mattress, and a sleeping bag.  Fortunately, my wonderful husband had shipped ahead two inflatable air mattresses, and I had, at-the-last-minute, stuffed a flannel sheet and pillow case into my suitcase, so my accomodations were a little less...rustic, and I was farther away from the floor than most, so I felt a little pampered, but I handled the pampered feeling quite well, I feel! 

I said no squabbles, but I lie. To tell you the truth there was considerable squabbling coming from the rooster population. Boy, those roosters rocked everybody’s world—even scared the dogs! Right outside our window 4 roosters homed themselves on a tree and were chronically squabbling and attempting to out-crow each other, all times of the day. These roosters were clearly having a large time keeping us informed of the time. As in, it’s ALWAYS time to crow. Goodness. I began having visions of what I’d like to do to those roosters. I take that back. I started having visions of what I’d like Daniel to do to those roosters for me. It wasn’t pretty!


One night I was able to sneak out of Children’s Church and listen to my husband Daniel speak. It was especially moving to see all of the church leaders gather around my husband, embrace each other, and pray for the service and for Daniel. As the worship service began, old “coritos” were sung and I found myself singing old familiar choruses, and even discovered that newer ones were now in Spanish. “Savior, He can move the mountains. My God is mighty to save, He is mighty to save!” I was so humbled, and overcome with emotion as I watched my husband passionately declare God’s love, and as I heard his words translated into Spanish, it occurred to me, that, even as I sang those same choruses so many years ago as a kid, God in His awesome knowledge and power knew that one day, I would be singing these little songs again in a worship service in Honduras, as my husband spoke! Oh His love is so amazing, and His knowledge and judgment so powerful! It’s almost too much for my heart to hold.


I came back from Honduras with some Mayan pottery which I’ve always loved, and a few bobbles...a cap for Daniel (that’s all he ever wants!), but emotionally I came back with so much more. I love that God has allowed me to get to know my wonderful UBC brothers and sisters better. And I'm so thankful that my history is intack, and that I've learned so much more about Honduras!  I pray that as UBC mission-minded folks, we're able to sustain our love for each other, because this love and a heart for missions is what builds churches at home, and in a 3rd world country, and God knows we need church building right here, right now.


I strongly encourage each one of you to take that step, and become part of a mission team. Just do it. As Judy Eddins Darby said, “I hear people say all the time they’re waiting for the call...but we’ve already been called! Jesus instructs us in Mark 16:15 to "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. That’s the call!” I’m with Judy on this. You don’t need to wait for the call—Jesus has already done that! Just do it!

When You Feel Overlooked...

Do you ever feel as though your acts and efforts are unappreciated by others?


I was talking with a coworker the other day, and she complained that our leader very seldom noticed that she “went the extra mile.” Soon, she was including her husband and family as unappreciative of her labor. The more she talked, the more agitated she became. Then I became frustrated because I was unable to console her!
At some time or another I believe we all feel ignored, and it hurts! Don’t we all reach a point in our lives where we feel entitled to praise and appreciation for everything we do? It’s human nature. We’ve come to expect reward so much that we feel taken-for-granted when our expectations of reward are not met.
Sadly, this desire for our backs to be patted, and gold stars to be given, comes at a great price emotionally; disillusionment with our desire to be rewarded misdirects our thoughts and actions—we become motivated by pleasing others or ourselves, instead of becoming wholehearted servants of Jesus.
We want to be appreciated for our hard work—whether it is in our jobs, our families, or our friends. Are we focusing on our relationship with people, instead of our relationship with the Father? If so, this is an exercise in futility. As humans, we all expect too much of each other, and we will all be disappointed with the outcome! Just when you begin to feel good about your labors, someone will not notice your efforts!
Our jobs, our families, our friends are God-given. We do not serve human beings, we serve the Creator! You may want to flee from the insatiable demands of others, but when people begin to wear you down or make you feel unimportant, remind yourself that you are not forgotten.

Christ will empower you to be a servant, and He will reward you for your service. Ask the Father to help you have the right motives. Focus on becoming so absorbed in a relationship with Him, that every other thing is a direct response to our relationship with Jesus. I promise you, He will never let you down!

Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in Heaven. Matthew 5:12.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Prov. 3:5-8

Additional Reading:
Psalm 139
John 16:33
11 Corinthians 8:9
Ephesians 4:32

My Father, My Vicar, My Friend

Influences from Daddy’s Walk

By Pamela Wheeler Storz on Father’s Day to Samuel Wayne Wheeler

June 19, 2011

 

• Real men enjoy cooking, music, the arts, and sports; while able to hold and rock you when you’re scared, and fix the broken car, guitar, or curling iron.
• Conventional isn’t always necessarily correct, but necessary.
• It’s okay to color inside the lines, neatly, if you want.
• Feel honored to be wherever you are.
• Manners, please.
• A quiet corner is not necessary to enjoy a good book.
• Always look your best for God’s house and God’s presence. There is no such thing as a “casual” presence of the Lord.
• Go to church. Just go.
• Music has great powers of transformation.
• Make a joyful noise!
• In order to affect change, begin with yourself.
• There is always an occasion to wear a hat.
• Sun-bad. Shade-good!
• Don’t be so free-spirited that you cause pain to others.
• It’s fine to call your dad “hon.”
• Face adversity by humbly kneeling, then keep marching.
• Engage strangers, but don’t be flirty.
• Make sure your animals always have plenty of water.
• Take lots of pictures, and remember that each one has a story.
• Try to remember the story to each picture.
• Even if opinions differ, they are all worthy of attention, and do not change love for one another.
• Purist-good; snob-bad.
• Surround yourself with music from all over the world, and all walks of life.
• Practice endless compassion.
• Learn how to gently correct a loved one’s path.
• There is never a bad time for a nap (unless you’re behind the wheel of a moving vehicle).
• Don’t allow good writing to become a lost art. Write, write, and write some more—someone, somewhere will eventually appreciate your ability.
• Use the necessary tools available to get the job done (screwdriver, shovel, thesaurus, dictionary, the web).
• Even when not to do so makes you squirm internally, don’t ever edit someone else’s speech or feelings.
• Be sweet and behave.
• Smile always, laugh often.

 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, no sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD and in his law doth he meditate day and night. Psalm 1:1,2.

 

Happy Father’s Day, Daddy--I love you!