Loving the Unlovable

"Human beings, all over the earth, have this curious idea that they ought to behave in a certain way, and can't really get rid of it." The Case for Christianity, C.S. Lewis


I don’t know where I first heard the term “The Unlovable”.


Beth Moore refers to “The Unloveable” as The Testy’s. We all have at least one. I respect the anonymity of my Testy, but to tell you the truth, any dealings with this person drives me to so much distraction, I must quickly find, then consume, copious amounts of Bryers® ice cream, doesn’t matter what flavor, slathered in rich, dark, sweet Hershey’s® chocolate syrup.


Okay, so I have more than one Testy. Different Testy’s, different distraction, all food related.


Sigh.


Anyway, my pastor is a gifted, anointed, holds-no-punches, directly-from-the-Word-of-God man, and purposed us last Sunday, to love one another without judgment; The Testy’s, The Unlovable, brothers and sisters in Christ, family members…everyone. E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E.


This made me wonder …what exactly makes a person an “Unlovable” or a “Testy?” Why is it so difficult for us to love some folks?


I have come to the belief that my Testy and Unlovable are difficult to love because they do things differently from how I feel they should. In other words; I judge!


Is it just me? Aren’t we all carrying around some smugness, because, as Christians, we don’t judge or attempt to correct the irritable cashier, or the young man with gravity-defying pants without a belt, or those that seem pleased with themselves? Hmm, how many judgments did I just pass in that last sentence?


We convince ourselves we’re not judging…but we are! We’d like that cashier to be a little happier; for that young man to pull up his pants, and we’d really like to humble that self-congratulatory social climber. They steal our joy! How insensitive of them! We need to feel our God all of the time, and they are guilty of stealin’ the feelin’!


If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. Matthew 5:46, The Message.


We all do it. We are all guilty of judging and not loving. Jesus told us it wouldn’t be easy. It isn’t. Sometimes, when we’re around our Testy or our Unlovable, we just don’t “feel” God.


Think about your immediate family and your family in Christ for a moment. Do you love them all without judgment? Our families are full of those we have judged mercilessly and deemed as Testy or Unlovable, because they behave differently than we feel they should; but really, who are we to judge? Maybe they are secretly harboring shame, grudges, pain. Perhaps they are branded very publicly by divorce, an abusive spouse, an addiction, or contaminated by a disease they never wanted. Are we able to overlook sins and love them as Jesus commanded?


Why do we think we are the expert, the evaluator? We base our judgment on our individually warped perspectives; a view through our personally-built walls of defense mechanisms. We’ve harnessed away our own painful circumstances and built up towers of denial and bravado. Instead of looking at others through the eyes of Jesus, we are peering over a huge wall of Self. So, how can we know, for sure, who is behaving badly?


I believe that instead of focusing on changing others, I must always pray to change myself.


It’s fairly simple, really. Love is found within a person; and if that love begins with the love of God, then it becomes easy to love The Testy, the Unlovable. God is love and, unless we have God in us, we are incapable of loving the unlovable.


Look, problematic people don’t perturb the Eternal One. Hard hearts don’t faze the Father! There are hearts in our world that we cannot change. But Jesus can! So we must pray for change, especially within ourselves!


The next time those thoughts of judgment intrude your peace, or your Testy and Unlovable makes you doubt the presence of God, take a look around.


Is God in you? Are you avoiding His presence?

Romans 12: 9, 10  Your love must be real. Hate what is evil, and hold on to what is good. Love each other like brothers and sisters. Give each other more honor than you want for yourselves. 12 Be joyful because you have hope. Be patient when trouble comes, and pray at all times. Share with God’s people who need help. Bring strangers in need into your homes. Wish good for those who harm you; wish them well and do not curse them. Be happy with those who are happy, and be sad with those who are sad. 16 Live in peace with each other. Do not be proud, but make friends with those who seem unimportant.


Ephesians 4:2 Always be humble, gentle, and patient, accepting each other in love.